Complete Personality Change After Leaving with Sitter
Hi all - hoping someone has some experience with this or at the very least might be able to offer some tips.
Quick background on Quinn as I haven't been as active on here - she is female, spayed (long ago), lives with only me, is 6 years old (on May 20). No ailments prior to leaving her.
So this past weekend I had a situation where I was going out of town and she needed care. Normally she stays with my parents who she loves and is very comfortable with, but they were out of town. I contacted a family friend who has a Bull Terrier as a "granddog," and asked her to dogsit. She babysitted Quinn back when Quinn was 1 or 2 years old with absolutely no issues.
Something of note - Quinn was viciously attacked back in the beginning of March by a dog who, if I'd let her, probably would have killed Quinn. Latched onto the back of her neck and would not let go. I was afraid I was going to pull Quinn out of that with shreds of skin, but she only had what I would call deep scratches - no punctures, tears, or gashes. However, she absolutely FEARS that dog park now, and her hesitancy around other dogs has magnified. She has been around dogs since the attack and has been scared but has otherwise been herself.
So I take Quinn to the sitter's house, and they are also watching the other BT. He is older than her but has much more energy. He is not aggressive. He tried to play with her upon arrival, but it was only play bows and butt waggling, he didn't even touch her. She stared at him and walked away. For the rest of the time I was there she stood at the front door wanting to leave. I was hoping that as the weekend went on she would eventually relax. She stayed at their house from Thursday evening to Sunday morning.
When my parents picked her up (I did not arrive home Sunday till 2am...yay airplanes) they said she was not normal. She was very fearful all day Sunday and Monday. Was scared of stairs (this has never been a problem), would hardly snuggle, and spent most of her day in her bed at their house. She eats and drinks and poops normally. My parents asked the friends if anything happened, but they said Quinn mostly kept to herself. They would give both dogs treats at the same time with no problems, let them into the backyard with no problems, and the male dog would even let her through doorways first. I trust these people and do not believe they abused her.
When I arrived at my parents' house Monday evening, Quinn did not greet me, as usual. She was in her bed (which is a kennel that is always open) and when I walked in, she was curled up in bed and when I called her, she stood but cowered, with her tail in a tucked but fast wag. She eventually came out to me very slowly and accepted pets and laid down on my legs. She did briefly go into the backyard with me and seemed very happy and even played...but after that she hasn't been lively at all. Now back at our apartment for the second evening, which is her most familiar place, she has spent this entire evening in my bedroom in her bed. No snuggling, no bringing me tennis balls or toys, no looking out the balcony window.
I am very upset and never intended to traumatize her like this. Frankly I am very surprised this has happened and surprised she did not seem relieved and happy when she came back to familiar places such as my parents house and our apartment (she is at my parents house at least once per week btw). I am afraid that she will never go back to normal and that I have lost my happy, loving dog. It has been just me and her living alone for the past 5 years and I don't want to lose my buddy, especially when considering moving for my job out of town for the first time (and this makes me scared about that adjustment for her as well).
Is there anything I can do to make her see she is safe? How long should I let this go on before I head to a vet? Not sure what they would find...
Sorry for the book...if you made it this far I would appreciate any help or guidance. I am so upset and want to help her.
Quick background on Quinn as I haven't been as active on here - she is female, spayed (long ago), lives with only me, is 6 years old (on May 20). No ailments prior to leaving her.
So this past weekend I had a situation where I was going out of town and she needed care. Normally she stays with my parents who she loves and is very comfortable with, but they were out of town. I contacted a family friend who has a Bull Terrier as a "granddog," and asked her to dogsit. She babysitted Quinn back when Quinn was 1 or 2 years old with absolutely no issues.
Something of note - Quinn was viciously attacked back in the beginning of March by a dog who, if I'd let her, probably would have killed Quinn. Latched onto the back of her neck and would not let go. I was afraid I was going to pull Quinn out of that with shreds of skin, but she only had what I would call deep scratches - no punctures, tears, or gashes. However, she absolutely FEARS that dog park now, and her hesitancy around other dogs has magnified. She has been around dogs since the attack and has been scared but has otherwise been herself.
So I take Quinn to the sitter's house, and they are also watching the other BT. He is older than her but has much more energy. He is not aggressive. He tried to play with her upon arrival, but it was only play bows and butt waggling, he didn't even touch her. She stared at him and walked away. For the rest of the time I was there she stood at the front door wanting to leave. I was hoping that as the weekend went on she would eventually relax. She stayed at their house from Thursday evening to Sunday morning.
When my parents picked her up (I did not arrive home Sunday till 2am...yay airplanes) they said she was not normal. She was very fearful all day Sunday and Monday. Was scared of stairs (this has never been a problem), would hardly snuggle, and spent most of her day in her bed at their house. She eats and drinks and poops normally. My parents asked the friends if anything happened, but they said Quinn mostly kept to herself. They would give both dogs treats at the same time with no problems, let them into the backyard with no problems, and the male dog would even let her through doorways first. I trust these people and do not believe they abused her.
When I arrived at my parents' house Monday evening, Quinn did not greet me, as usual. She was in her bed (which is a kennel that is always open) and when I walked in, she was curled up in bed and when I called her, she stood but cowered, with her tail in a tucked but fast wag. She eventually came out to me very slowly and accepted pets and laid down on my legs. She did briefly go into the backyard with me and seemed very happy and even played...but after that she hasn't been lively at all. Now back at our apartment for the second evening, which is her most familiar place, she has spent this entire evening in my bedroom in her bed. No snuggling, no bringing me tennis balls or toys, no looking out the balcony window.
I am very upset and never intended to traumatize her like this. Frankly I am very surprised this has happened and surprised she did not seem relieved and happy when she came back to familiar places such as my parents house and our apartment (she is at my parents house at least once per week btw). I am afraid that she will never go back to normal and that I have lost my happy, loving dog. It has been just me and her living alone for the past 5 years and I don't want to lose my buddy, especially when considering moving for my job out of town for the first time (and this makes me scared about that adjustment for her as well).
Is there anything I can do to make her see she is safe? How long should I let this go on before I head to a vet? Not sure what they would find...
Sorry for the book...if you made it this far I would appreciate any help or guidance. I am so upset and want to help her.
Comments
If I even scold her she will be depressed
She has bonded to you and is deeply offended that you left her
As long as she is eating and doing her business she will come around
Don't be too hard on yourself and don't over compensate your praise or she will think her actions are praise worthy
Just act. Or all and she will come around
The hardest part about leaving your dog with someone when you are out of town is worrying about how much "true" attention they are providing for a dog that will often experience stress and even depression. I hate to say this but it sounds as though Quinn wasn't provided near as much attention as you probably think she did. She may have even got so stressed and nervous from having the other BT taunting her for play that she displayed aggression towards him which may have ignited a fight. It could be possible that the dogs were separated thereafter which may have resulted in prolonged crate time for Quinn. I know you weren't there when Quinn was picked up but I wonder whether or not both dogs were seen together in the same room when Quinn was getting ready to go home. I guess at this point it will remain a mystery as to how she was treated, what exercise she was provided, and how much attention she was provided.
Right now is a good time to bump up her exercise schedule which will really help with the stress and anxiety which is still pent up inside her. She may not have the energy for all the amped up play time that she had prior to her stay with the sitters but even going on a long walk with her will do her a lot of good. Take her out and spend as much time as possible with her. She will improve each day. Just give her some time for her nerves to settle without the anxiety that may be haunting her with thoughts of dealing with stress of being away from you again or getting into a dog fight.
"It's not just a Dog, it's a Bull Terrier!"
www.bulliesofnc.com
But what they can definitely be is deeply intimidated - and that may actually look like they are unforgiving, because we left them behind.
I can’t tell, if anything really happened - such as a fight with the other dog, abuse or anything else. But as you describe her fears after the attack she had to go through before, I don’t think that another fight, neglect or abuse was even necessary to intimidate her that much.
Bull Terriers' minds are so fragile and sensitive - it always astonishes me.
Recently I am a lot on the road with Djamila - she is turning 4 yrs. soon - and she always LOVED meeting new people. So, I've always allowed let her to do it - provided the people wanted to pet her.
One would think now that she has become even more outgoing and courageous after such a lot of contact with all kinds of people.
Well, even though we’ve never had any negative experience, quite the opposite seems to be happening: The older she grows, the more timid and shy she seems to become. And she always seems to feel most comfy around us and at home.
When I noticed her feeling uneasy around someone she met for the first time, I started to worry, watch her and talk to her in a way that must have shown her that I was worried about her.
Every time this seemed to ADD to her stress and make her feel like something was off even more.
So, I changed my strategy, trying to act as normal as I can around her especially in those moments, just not being pushy or getting angry, showing her, EVERYTHING is ok. It seems to help her to gain some confidence again.
If Quinn went through a weekend under constant fear of being attacked, or just feeling REALLY uneasy having to be in an unfamiliar place with people she did not know too well, she must have had a terrible weekend. And I can understand that this can leave an impression that lasts longer than just one or two days.
Maybe she was afraid you won’t come back. Maybe the sitters were not aware enough of her mental state. I don’t know.
But it seems to be for sure that on that weekend she must have went through SOME kind of trauma she needs to recover from now.
The fact that she is not as open and cuddly at the moment shows how intimidated she must be right now.
I think the best thing you can do is - despite your worries, which I absolutely understand, I’d feel exactly the same way - act as normal as possible around her and just give her the time to adjust again.
If possible, I would avoid leaving her with those sitters again. Not because, they are not trustworthy - that’s just not possible to tell from the given facts - but because Quinn will likely associate their environment with negative feelings now.
If the time is available, I’d just have a few “girl times out” together in the woods or whatever you have available as a safe environment without the threat of biting aggressors and other than that just try to be normal.
Cuddle her, of course! But I’d try to limit this to the usual amount, because every overly caring behavior could - against our own intentions - reassure her that something is wrong, threatening or to be feared.
I have good hopes that she will bounce back in time and be the dog she was before.
He said that there's also a slight chance that something health-related could be wrong with Quinn that only coincidentally occurred at the very same time you had to leave her with someone else.
I am sure you are already watching her very closely. But I thought it may still be a good idea to add this here. Because I know myself that sometimes we can be so focussed on one suspicion that we are missing the actual problem.
Either way - good luck for the two of you that everything is normal again soon!
Thanks for your responses! I think we do know that
bullies are extremely sensitive and mine can definitely hold a grudge,
as I've come to find out. I have told her she was pretty and that I love
her probably more than normal this week...maybe a little bit of
overcompensating??
I think you are right Steve, I think I
misjudged her readiness for being around another dog for an extended
period of time, so she was very stressed. When she was growing up, my
parents had dogs, but the last one died maybe 3 years ago now, so she
has been a lone dog. Add the attacks at the park and then the very nasty
one just a month before, and I don't think she's had enough positive
experiences to counter that. And she may not ever be able to overcome
her fear.
I do have a feeling that Quinn was left alone, mostly
because she likely would have kept to herself. She did that to me the
first few days I was home, so I'm sure she did the same there. I also
doubt that she instigated a fight out of fear as she has never done
that. I guess never say never, but I find it unlikely. I also know there
were no crates in the house. If anything she may have been separated to
her own room. Which I honestly would have been okay with if it meant
she could have some peace.
I have seen some improvements in the
past week. Quinn did eventually come and snuggle with me late in the
week (I was so relieved haha!) and she is showing interest in play
again. We have not taken one of her long walks as she has either been
uninterested or it has been rainy. She is snoozing comfortably next to
me on the couch right now, which I also consider an improvement as
before she would not even sit by me. I think it's just going to take
some time.
@Djammy it's funny you say that Djamila has become
less outgoing because Quinn did the same! When she was younger, she
played with dogs, she was happy to see people, she was much more
outgoing. But as she has aged she is much less interested in dogs and
much more wary of people. With dogs it started as a complete loss of
interest with her occasionally stealing their toys...which led to some
fights. The bad attack was completely unprovoked, that dog was just
vicious. She has not had any bad interactions with people, but is very
shy now. Unless they look like they might have snacks.
she's being a bit of a curmudgeon.
I also thought it could be
health related, but as we have moved through the week and she is
improving I do think it was a horrible case of anxiety and depression.
And I feel bad for putting her through it.
I have to get her a
new bag of food today so I think I'll pick up something squeaky as well.
I'm not sure she can resist a squeaker...